ok i'm happy now! i have my loving computer spouse back! my life might be one train wreck after another but i must have my laptop... seriously!
yeah so i try to stick to the subject of my health here on lunatics... but i have one question... when do i decided that a relationship is an unfair one? and once i decide that, what do i do about it?
when i have done and done and done for these people and they stubbornly do nothing for me...? wth?! i am in need of a miracle this Christmas... how 'bout the miracle is that the ones who are perfectly healthy do something to help themselves... would that be to much to ask for? in this family it would be a miracle indeed!

ok just a quick update... my computer crashed.... ahhhhh!
i have had a head ache for 3 days now... i can't think of anything besides this headache and Barnaby dumped me! ):

i realize i have been pretty tight lipped about what is going on here... my hell! how to cope? i have taken myself off my fiorecet completely and am only taking the xanax very randomly....?! sticking to 50 mg morning and night of lamictal.... i didn't make it to al anon last thursday and no meeting on thanksgiving.... i can feel myself bracing against this wind... when will the wind stop blowing like this?
it seems like the wind is always blowing..... it is howling outside... i can hear it!

headache.... again? seriously!? why do i have to live my life with a headache?!

my heck, i am trying to keep up! i am finally over the flu.... i started work today... it was good to be back... i am holding at 50mg morning and night... i have been "reducing" for a year and am somewhat very irritated now that is occurs to me that i am addicted.... i never set out to be an addict... i just thought i was following my dr.s advice...! grrrrrr! that's what i get for listening to a "practicing physician" yeah go practice on someone else!...
it may take me a minute to come up with a game plan but i am determined to be clean and sober by next summer....! (i have learned to give myself time... set goals out there and if it happens sooner i am happy!)

ok i just realized i haven't documented anything for all most 2 weeks... how did it all get so far out of control?! i have been so sick! flu bug from hell! my poor kids! i hate when we are sick! still holding at 50mg morning and night.... ahhhhh! i can feel myself quiver under the shear weight of my life! i am clinging to dear life... i do nothing but slather myself in oil....
everyone i know is sick i need to share some recipes blessings...! god give me strength!