ok it was not a cold, it is allergies! so bad all i can do is want to kill myself! my head itches, my face itches, i can't stop sneezing, my nose won't stop running! ahhhhhhhhh! i am violently angry i am so frustrated! i have been trying to pack all day. we are gonna leave in the morning to go to st. george for spring break. i made star two night gowns today for her vacation! she is so very excited and all i want to do it die!
i have taken 50 mg am and 75mg pm every night this week, i have a bite on the inside of my cheek, i think i had some kind of a seizure at some point in the last 24 hrs........

ok, just one more day and star and i will be off to st. george for spring break! i have a headache, this is the second day! i sorta have that feeling like i am getting sick, a cold i mean.......i have been soaking myself in thieves and taking emergen C.
i was trying to reduse to 50 mg in the morning but it was too much......the panic and the mania was bothering me! so i went back to 75 am and pm..... then last night i forgot to take a pill at all...... which means i am ready to reduce further. i think it was the stress, things seem to be leveling out for the moments so i will try a 50mg this morning, see how that goes........

i am having a really hard time keeping up! i went to burrows and saw a dr..... can't remember his name, who gave me the same diagnosis, juvienial myo clonic epilesy. i was feeling really hopeful to go but now i feel a huge let down. i don't know why i thought i would hear something new or better but i guess that was what i was hoping. i am continuing on my schedule to reduce my lamictal and i am having a hard time remembering if i am doing worse or better! i am taking 50mg in the morning and 75 at night. i am having a few more tics (myo clonic jerking) i am have a great deal more panic that i am dealing with everyday. the dr. said that is the epilesy itself. "to go thru life every day not knowing what will happen next is very scary and panic is very common!" i don't know why dr's think that to know that my suffering is explainable should make me feel better! anyway i am off to start my day.........i woke up in a panic so thought i should make a quick note, i am determined to hold it together! Heavenly Father please be with me today!

so much craziness going on, i can't keep up! last Saturday i went to chandler to get the boy out of rehab and sent him to Mexico with his father! Sunday and Monday were both beyond hard, i have stuck with 75mg morning and night. i went tuesday for an eeg at the hospital in showlow and i will go tomorrow to burrows in phx to see my new dr.