so i gave up on being manic at home and just ran away instead! (sorry carpets) running away is one of my favorite things to do! going back is the hard part.... as i am getting closer and closer to being drug free i am feeling more and more like the real me and less like the i'm so drugged i can lie about life me..... which is good for me but not so good for those around me who try to hide from the truth of their lives.... or lies, which ever is the appropriate word for what they live! i am thanking God for toni! i know i would not have made it through this week without her taking care of me everyday!
i am feeling a real amount of accountability! friggen doctors are stupid! being without star all week i have had way to much time to think, and if i had decided now was the time to check out, it would be easy enough.......if giving a crazy person enough drugs to kill themselves is considered good medicine, i can see it is past time for me to medicate myself....... did that make any sense?........since i don't know what i am talking about, i guess it does.......